Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this boner is exhausting
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
