so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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