Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize