why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
