Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
