I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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