when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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