apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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