Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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