i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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