that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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