Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
