My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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