I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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