Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize