somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
