I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
