Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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