Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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