even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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