well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
