So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
