but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
