all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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