i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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