Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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