Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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