Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
