in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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