new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
