I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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