I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
