So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
