Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
