chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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