WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
