and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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