Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
