is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
