I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
