BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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