Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
