Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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