was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
