cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize