I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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