Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
