We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
