whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
