I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
