Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
