so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
