first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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