My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
