with your own penis?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
