And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
