the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
