I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
