the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize