Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
