Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
