so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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