If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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