Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
