you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
