i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
