Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
