Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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