This is not my ceiling
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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