gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
