can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
