So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
