she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
